Resonance
by icynovas
Summary: But forgetting was inevitable. Oneshot.


i have so many interpretations and headcanons about jenova (and the Cetra in general) it's kinda embarrassing. this is one of them.

* * *

**Resonance**

* * *

Peace was a concept the Cetra had long since forgotten about, a myth told reverently by elders and wise-men alike – the days back when they were all mere wanderers, nomads.

The war, the _Calamity,_ made warriors of them all.

She was without parents, without family to call her own – the Calamity robbed her of them before she came to realize what parents and families meant – and so she was perfect, to be made into a warrior that fought for those who had what she missed. No one was going to miss her, after all.

Materia in her soft, small hands, she faced the many the Calamity had corrupted, not once thinking of who they were and what value they had. It didn't _matter._

Barely reaching adulthood, she was already hailed and admired so openly, becoming a beacon of hope among the hopeless.

* * *

All she knew was battle, the hum of the materia before she laid everything to waste, and the hollowness she felt when those awed looks were directed her way.

The warmth of a loving smile was a new feeling she relished in, and the sensual touches was one she pursued with an almost obsessive abandon after a cautious hesitation.

Her eagerness only made them amused, voices fond as they told her that she was _adorable_.

She didn't remember anyone telling her that before, but then she decided that she liked it, liked how it came from _love_, not awe.

* * *

It wasn't wise, to bear with a child in the dire times they were facing, and many tried to sway her from what they thought was a rash decision.

But she wanted a child – to build the family she never had and envied many for – so much that it almost scared her.

Holding the boy with the joyful eyes - a green warmer than her own - she thought that she didn't see anything more beautiful.

* * *

Their numbers became even fewer than they were. She experienced the feeling of losing loved ones over and over again, and after so long, she was going to follow their lead.

She wasn't going without a fight, however.

The magic she had been studying, perfecting, secretly for seemingly endless years was finally ready, and as she felt the Calamity tightening her hold on her mind, she said her final goodbyes.

Her son's ever-joyful eyes were dim with crushing sadness as he wrote the final seal. With a heartbroken smile, she noticed that he added her name at the end - the best he could do to honor her memory and sacrifice.

Going against every warning, her son embraced her, hiding his sobs as he whispered, "You're Jenova, the Cetra's savior. You're Jenova, the devoted lover. You're Jenova, the loving mother."

"Even if you forget, you will always be."

She never shed a single tear in her life, but she wished she could now, telling her son that she loved him before ice engulfed her.

* * *

He visited her so many times, yet her son's eyes never gained their joy back, his smile sad as he announced himself, just like he did every time he visited, "I came for you, mother."

Years passed and she felt a familiar presence in the Lifestream and knew, _knew,_ that her son wasn't coming back.

* * *

_I'm Jenova, the Cetra's savior..._

Piece by piece, the Calamity took over her very being.

_I'm Jenova, the devoted lover..._

Sealed and isolated within the cold clutches of the Northern Crater, she fought so hard to keep her son's words.

_I'm Jenova, the..._ (warm green eyes and smiles, a small hand holding hers, an embrace she lived and fought to receive).

_I'm..._ (a warrior from young, a leader, an-ever-hailed heroine).

_I'm... who?_

But forgetting was inevitable.

* * *

She could only imagine what traveling across the cosmos would be like, uncaring about the trail of dead planets she left behind her.

* * *

Her surroundings changed, ice cage replaced with glass.

Curious things, humans were. They observed her with fascination as they attached and took and cut and touched _(the touches revolting and so unlike...). _

She only observed _them_ in return.

* * *

There was a child, a human child, sitting with his back pressed against a tree.

"Who are you?" she asked, and he blinked when noticed her, bright green _(but not as warm as...)_ eyes shining

"Sephiroth," he answered with such mature conviction that was out of the place for one so small. "And you?"

She didn't answer, and the child didn't appear bothered by it.

He followed her and for some reason, she let him.

When he faded, she felt strangely alone.

* * *

"Why did you leave?" she asked again when the child returned to where she resided most: her own dreams.

The child didn't answer, opting to sit by her side quietly.

And again, she let him.

* * *

"Are you my mother?" he asked her one time when his visits became frequent, head rested on her lap and eyes closed.

She stopped stroking his hair to ponder before asking, as wondering as he was, "Are you my son?"

"I think so..." There was a hopeful edge in his voice that she didn't miss despite its subtlety.

She bent to press a soft kiss on his forehead. "I think so, too."

She was lying, she knew she was, but she didn't know in _what._

* * *

"I came for you, Mother."

There was something resonating in those words, an image of a man with saddened green eyes flickering over the one who was freeing her.

Her son finally came back.


End file.
